Katy’s Famous Tuna Salad
With Optional Scrying Stone
Tuna from 2 cans or a big packet
Green onions (scallions) chopped fine
Celery, sliced thin
Chopped green or red peppers, if you like them
Boiled eggs, at least two
Enough mayo or Miracle Whip to hold together, but not so much that it turns soupy
Grapes and/or canned mandarin oranges
Start with the eggs. Put the yolks in a food processor, or smash them up like crazy with a fork. Add some mustard, about a spoonful, a little salt, dill, a dash of Tabasco (this just gives it a little oomph), about a teaspoon of sugar if you’re using ordinary mayo (Miracle Whip has sugar in it), and start with a half cup or so of mayo/Miracle Whip (you’ll probably need more, but it’s better to have too little than too much). Now blend. I like a processor because the result is a smooth paste with no lumps. But a lump or two won’t kill you. Just call it rustic.
Add this to your onions, celery, peppers, chopped egg whites, and drained tuna. Add more mayo if you need it, but don’t get ham-handed.
Add the mandarin oranges (drain, please) (add vodka – I mean tea – to the juice… yummy!) and grapes (if they have seeds, you’d better slice them in half and take the seeds out, unless you like to see people spitting at the table).
Serve on lettuce leaves or on wonderful bread. The bread makes a difference, so don’t use poopy bread.
Infuse with magic by inserting a CLEAN GREEN STONE into the mixture immediately after making it. Allow it to cool for 30 minutes. Remove the stone, wash it, and wrap it in a clean cloth. When you have time, scry (look into) the stone while thinking of the problem you want to resolve. Call upon Olokun, Goddess of the Sea, (the Tuna connection) to show you the answer. Then take a blank piece of paper and write the first 10 sentences that come into your head. One of them will be the answer you seek.
By then you’ll be hungry. Enjoy the tuna.
If you have leftovers, boil some pasta, chill it, and then add it to the leftover tuna salad. Two meals in one!