1 cup sugar
½ cup light corn syrup (clear Karo)
dash of salt
1 to 2 cups salted peanuts
1 Tablespoon butter
1-1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon vanilla
Grease baking sheet heavily. Combine sugar, corn syrup, and salt in a big plastic or ceramic pot (a 3-quart casserole is recommended, but a cauldron will do). Microwave on High (100%) until light brown, 8 to 10 minutes, stirring once or twice.
You can do this in a metal pot on the stove, too (better for cauldron users). Just watch the color. When it turns amber, it’s ready for the next step. If it turns black and smokes, call the fire department.
Add remaining ingredients (salt, peanuts, butter, baking soda, and vanilla) until light and foamy. That’ll be the baking soda working. It will swoosh up like erupting lava (hence the adjective “volcanic”).
IMMEDIATELY (though you’ll be tempted to stand aside, awestruck, at the volcanically erupting hot mess) SPREAD THE HOT MESS ONTO THE GREASED BAKING SHEET. Spread it as thinly as possible, but do it fast, as it will begin to harden within SECONDS.
While you’re spreading the mess, chant “Volcanic Love” while picturing someone’s face. This will make that person burn with love for you. HINT: Try really hard not to picture the face of the neighborhood crossing guard.